I’m just a girl who’s traveled from Abu Dhabi to Detroit and am standing in my aunt’s bathroom staring at the huge bottle of shampoo that’s as long as half my arm, and I have very long arms. I’m wondering why she has such a huge bottle and when I ask her why, she says Costco.
I have multiple children and my neighbor chirps Your family would looove Costco, it’s made for you guys.
I have family who love the store, who gush over the discounts, the aisles they like to float through. Did you see the deal I got on this? they say as they brandish a jar bigger than their head.
I have lived in a skinny town house with skinny storage so I do not stock up on items. But what about the garage? the earnest Costco shoppers ask. I shake my head. I do not see myself schlepping down to the garage to pull up an industrial sized box of granola bars, no thank you.
Now, I live in a wider house with a little more storage, but still the idea of bulking up on items intimidates me. I don’t like how huge a bottle of shampoo is, how enormous a bag of pretzels is, and how massive a bottle of detergent is. I find satisfaction in finishing the last drops of shampoo and with Costco items, the satisfaction isn’t there.
I have tried on a hearing aid for the first time, and when the audiologist tells me the price of one, she leans in and says, I’m not supposed to tell you this, but you should try Costco.
At Costco, the hearing aids are way more affordable, and the hearing aid people are friendly and courteous. They replace my hearing aid when I accidentally wash them in the washing machine, and I am grateful for them.
Still, I am wary of signing up for a Costco membership, something I need to have in order to buy the hearing aids. I stand in a line to get my photo taken, then get a glossy card that says Costco. I feel like I’m part of a new cult.
I have a family member who gushes, Welcome to the club! You’re going to love it.
Confession: I don’t.
I go to Costco with my children and the cashier leans in at check out and tells me I have the basic membership but do you know you would save SO much more with the other membership?
No thanks.
After a few minutes, I see the bill, grit my teeth, and say Fine.
I rarely shop there (I prefer Kroger Boost! Instacart Delivery!), thus rarely use the membership, and when I call to downgrade, they pull up my bleak numbers of savings, and promptly let me downgrade.
My hearing aids (I just got a hearing aid -I don’t use it enough because I can get by thankfully, but they are nice to have because after I had chemotherapy years ago, I don’t know if the medicine affected my hearing or genetics, but whateverthecase, one of my ears is mufflier than the other, and it’s only for certain tones, low tones. I can hear higher pitches like my daughters, but my husband’s lowertone is harder for my ears.) need new filters and I dread going to Costco to get them replaced.
A drive that should take 19 minutes takes 32 minutes.
Parking takes at least 7 minutes because the lot is so congested.
When I finally walk into the store, I hate that I have to show my card and beep to get in. It feels like I’m part of a weird cult I don’t want to be part of. Whenever I walk in, I can’t wait to walk out.
I know of a mom-friend-group who plan shopping-dates at Costco, which sounds like a nightmare for me, a place where they wander the aisles and talk. Do they each have to wait for each other at check out? How long does it take?!
The huge industrial sized items intimidate me. I know if I am to get a snack, I must commit to it. Once I picked up a pillow sized bag of sweet potato chips and felt meh after a few bites, but alas, the bag was in the house so was stuck with it.
Today, I pick up the hearing aid filters and my daughter wants to get a few snack items, and the line is looooong, like it always is. The lady in front of me has children who are melting down, and I can relate. My husband calls at the last minute to ask if we can pick up soda, but I’m mid-checkout and by the time my daughter is back with the sodas, the lines are abominably long. Everyone is stocking up as if there’s an imminent snow storm, and there’s no express line for less than ten items, and we don’t want to wait again another twenty minutes!
I’ve purposefully left the majority of children at home, but still at check out, the cashier leans in and says You have the basic membership, but for just $27.99, you can save much more money.
No thanks.
It’s only $27.99, Ma’am.
This is another reason why I hate Costco. I can’t even check out simply.
Listen, I’m not your person. The cashier next to him has eyebrows that raise high.
I HATE this place. Her eyebrows raise higher.
I only come here because of the hearing aids.
Ma’am do you live far away?
I shrug. It should take me shorter, but it takes me longer, and parking takes me forever, and again, I just hate Costco.
With that, they finally retreat, and I get to leave with my hearing aid filters and snacks.
Until the dreaded next time…
Doodling Through Life 